Insomnia strikes again

                                           Insomnia attacks me once again...and thus, my sleeping patterns are changing once more....eh...nanti. Aku x tahu dah nak tidur gaya mana lagi....-_-;

Watercolour sahaja2

Ini kerja orang 'banyak' masa...boring layan still life, aku pergi buat benda ni...

lepas dah siap assignment la....XD

She will be loved

A comic by me...kind of buruk la...-_-;

Typo work of sem 3

Typography work..theme- cake...XD

Me n T-shirt work

                                                     
I've been doing some work for a friend...selling his T-shirts to female students...(well, I had some time to spare, and I have connections...) The painful part was to give the merchandise to my clients...man, they were  so hard to contact, and so hard to find.....

Antara bahagia dan merdeka

Kebahagiaanku dan kemerdekaanku adalah sama - tidak secara total tetapi tiada pula tersekat dan terpenjara.

kebahagiaan bagiku seperti makan roti bakar disapu kaya di pagi hari, kemerdekaan bagiku pula adalah berlari berkaki ayam bersama jiwa yang ringan.

Complexity tidak membunuh aku, keringkasan tidak membantutkan aku.

Kerana aku ada kemerdekaan dan kebahagiaan bersamaku.
Dan kerana aku bahagia dengan kemerdekaanku dan merdeka dengan kebahagiaanku.

*krik* *krik*...

RUANG SEPI

Ruang aku BESAR, LUAS.

Tapi hanya ada aku seorang saja.

Di ruang BESAR nan LUAS itu aku berlari.

Tapi berlari seorang diri saja.

Dan aku berasa bebas dan gembira.

Tapi hanya sekadar sendiri merasa saja.

Ke mana aku pergi, yang kutemui  hanya diriku saja.

Setiap penjuru ku paling, yang kutemui hanya diriku saja.

Setiap refleksi yang ku lihat hanya diriku saja.

Detik itu baru ku sedari,

Ruang aku yang BESAR nan LUAS itu tiada lain, tiada bukan, RUANG SEPI semata.

Dan aku tenggelam lalu lemas dalam ruang SEPI yang baru ku sedar wujudnya itu.

I can't sleep....

 Hey, I can't sleep....come on eyes, sleep.
Ok, that didn't work...I can't even close my eyes.
Let's drink some milk...
Now I need to pee...
That didn't go so well...
Let's just say my prayers and sleep.
Sleep............
I still can't sleep...
Ok, maybe it's because I'm worried about my assignments...
Let's do some!
I'm sleepy...can't even hold the pencil...
Let's just go to bed...
And I still can't sleep...
*sigh*
zzzzz....
zzZZZ...
ZZZZZ....
Zzzzzz...
*huh*
What time is it?
2 a.m.
I slept at 1 a.m....and I woke at 2?.......
Hey, what's that?
....oh, the curtains.
Come on, eyes, sleep....
I need to get up early tomorrow...I mean today....
But not this early!!
...........maybe I'll fall asleep if I tell myself a story...
Let's see....ok, the main character....no, it's too usual...too common...
.....no, no such thing such as that................I think it's not working....
...........I'm tired....
Why can't I sleep?.....
..........
zzzzz....
zzZZZ....
ZZZZZ....
ZZZZZZ......
ZZZZZZ.......
ZZzzzzzzz....
zzzz......
*huh*
....
Hey, what time is it?
.....
12 pm.
.........damn......
T-T........................................................

I wonder...

There are times when one thinks on writing, or of things of great...things. But then again, one always seem to forget about it when the time comes to write, or say about it. One gets to wonder why...?

Marker renderings

                                            Pawaka (for art journal cover...I eat typo...)

The Sybil...what's her name...?

Sketches...

This is what we call as 'lazy but 'rajin' in the same time'. -_-;

If you can see what I drew, feel (really) free to comment. Onegai!!!

P.S : see from left to right...or whatever suits.
-_-......

Don't mind me...

I read and reread the chapters 1 to 7 (so far) of the golden earth and the silver skies...and unfortunately, I must say that I'm going to rewrite it...well most of it...since I've gone astray from the plot. Well, you know how it is...ideas pop spontaneously...and you just go with the flow...

That's the problem...going with the flow. I fear I had made grave mistakes these past months. To write so freely...to choose words so blindly. As if I left my brain somewhere. And gained it back later on.

Truth be told, at first I wanted to make a blog of wisdom, but without me noticing, it turned out to be a blog of feelings. Worse, it's of immoral whining...

I just hope I won't see or show my last semester self again.


*I need to be more self restraint. -_-;

Of the Golden Earth and the Silver Skies

Be open, please....-_-;

CHAPTER 6 – Decisions, Decisions…Life Might Never Be the Same Again

  The butterfly event played itself over and over again in the knight’s mind as he sauntered into the kitchen. His magic was bard magic. A soul bard’s magic to be exact. He ‘trades’ a part of himself to the magic. The ink of his brush was of his blood. But that ink on the butterfly’s wings…he wonders if it really is from his own blood. Or was it from his soul?

  The bigger the sacrifice, the more powerful the magic will be. Magic from one’s own soul lasts longer rather than from one’s own blood, but as one uses it, the soul turns foul and corrupted. To use it more, one would have to form a pact with the Devil himself. Most soul bards do so. And it all started when they accidentally used a part of their soul in their magic. They got addicted, unable to stop from using this costly magic. Then they turn into the Devil’s familiar, carrying out its dark deeds.

   He dismissed the thought. Things cannot be that dire for the rein of this magic is still in his hands. He looked out the window. Slowly, he changed his sword into a brush and drew a dragonfly. It flew in circles around him, but soon turned into dust and scattered by as it gradually dries out. He held his palm out to catch the dust and put it under the fading sunlight. It shone not. He gave a sigh of relief.

“Pawaka”, the horse maiden calls. “Come and have dinner! The food’s getting cold!”

“Coming!” He looked at the dust on his palm and threw it away.

   The knight was quiet throughout the dinner. His worries on his magic were casted away with the experiment but his decision to make Samudera forget him is slowly turning to uncertainties. They cleared the table together after dinner, as usual. But as he carried the dishes to the kitchen, he saw Samudera fell asleep in a corner.

“Pawaka…Samudera’s sleeping in the kitchen…”

“Speak slowly, Mega”, he whispered. “Let’s just leave these. I’ll clear them up later. You can go to bed. I’m going to carry Samudera to her room.”

Mega giggled. “How romantic! Can Pawaka carry me to my room, too?”

His face went red. “Maybe some other time, Mega.”

She left the kitchen, grinning mischievously.

   He kneeled and lifts the sleeping maiden gently. With her so close to him now, he could hear her heart beating, smell her hair, and feel her breathing. He loves her so much it hurts. It hurts to think how she will fare when he is gone…for good.

  Slowly he ascends the stairs. He walks lightly, trying hard not to stir her peaceful sleep. He opened the bedroom door gently and puts the elven maiden to her bed with delicate care. So long had he been gone, hence he took the opportunity to look around. Moonlight shone in from an opened window sill. Perhaps she intentionally leaves it open, he thought. The room hasn’t changed much. Simple furniture adorned the medium large room. Their mother’s favourite vase was still in the same corner, still adorned with fresh moon lilies. A rarity in this season of warm sun. A smile etched across his face. He used to give them to her every evening, she would accept them with a smile and would give him a kiss on the cheek. After she was gone, and his relationship with Samudera turned for the better, he gave moon lilies to the elven maiden. It was when he finally decided to confess his love towards her, and it was when they had their first kiss. He still gives her these flowers, now and then, since moon lilies are seasonal, only can be found in abundance during nights of harsh winter. The delicate looking blossoms thrive in conditions where most plants would have ceased to exist. Such is their love, or so he had hoped.

    

     The knight gave out a sigh. He lost track on how they became lovers, rather than adopted siblings. Perhaps it is because he had never wanted a sister before, or perhaps it is due to the mutual feeling. Her patience and gentle ways was one of the reasons he fell in love with her. But in the eyes of others, they are siblings, not lovers – that is why the knight felt all of this was so wrong, even when it felt so right. Still, try as he might, he cannot love another and he cannot forget her. And he could not stop this feeling. He defies his own logic without him himself realising it.

“Good night, Samudera”, he whispered as he leaves the room.

“Pawaka…”

Samudera? He turned around.

    The knight saw the elven maiden sitting on her bed; her long purple tresses were let loose and were flowing with the slight breeze. Her emerald green eyes shone as she was bathed with the moonlight. In his eyes, she looked like a goddess. And all of a sudden, he remembers the butterfly event…a miracle. Just like her.

“Come, sit beside me,” she flashed a smile. With the voice ringing in his mind, he hesitantly took a few steps forward, but then he stopped halfway.

“Why are you stopping?”

“We should cease doing this. Our relationship isn’t going anywhere.”

“You should stop being so negative. I told you that my love to you will never change. Would you please listen to me this time? Our love will survive.”

He looked at her and sighed. Slowly he walked to her and sat by her bed.

“It’s hard to continue resisting you. But how will I fare when I hold the knowledge that you and I might never see each other again, never to feast on your cooking again?”

The elven maiden giggled and gazed upon the knight’s light green eyes. “You’ll do just fine, love. I am not lost to you forever.” She puts her arms around his neck and took his scarf off.

“Love? It has been some time since I heard you calling me that.”

  She gave him a smile, and kissed him gently on the lips. This time, the knight decided to hold back no more. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. The need and want bursts and overcomes his logic.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

   A stray ray of sunlight fell upon the elven maiden’s face. Slowly she opened her eyes. Her lips curved into a smile when she saw Pawaka in front of her. The knight was sleeping peacefully. She laid her head on his chest. Samudera closed her eyes, she hears Pawaka’s heart beat slowly, and she feels his warmth against her skin. The maiden puts her hand into his. She holds it tight. With Pawaka by her side, she felt protected and safe. At first sight, he was cold and arrogant, causing fear to stir in her heart. But then she learnt of his softer side, and felt in love with his protective and caring attitude towards her. The elven maiden remembered when he saved her life, when he first took her into his arms, when he first confessed his love to her. She holds his hand near her chest.

“…Samudera…” He grips her hand and gazed at her with a warm smile etched across his face.

“Pawaka…stop looking at me like that…it’s embarrassing…”

“You were not so very shy last night…”

Her cheeks went red. “ Th…that’s because it’s in the dark!!!”

He chuckled and nodded for he knew better. “We need to get up. Mega might already be up and about.    She‘ll come to look for the both of us.”

“You always have to do that, don’t you?” She gave a sigh.

“Yes.” Long pause. “Samudera?”

She looked at him.

“I will not ask you to forget me anymore. And perhaps I can ask Cristoph to arrange something… Maybe our relationship can…go on.”

She hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Pawaka. I knew you won’t betray our love!”

“If you keep doing that, we might not leave this bed…”

“Who cares?” she squealed with joy and hugged him even tighter.

Of the Golden Earth and the Silver Skies

CHAPTER 5 – The Ominous Dream 

Dark. Why is everything dark? I can see even in the darkest night, so why can I see only darkness now? Where am I? Flapping wings. I can hear the sound of flapping wings. It’s approaching me but I still can’t see it.

“Hello.” A voice. But it sounds so faint, so far. I glanced behind.  I see none, only the darkness.

“Who’s there?” Laughter echoes. 

“I said, hello. Never mind. Sigh, come tell me your name, demi-mortal.” That voice again! It sounded so close. I kept quiet as I saw no one.

   Flames suddenly burst out from above. I evaded them, and then looked up. I saw a man glowing with amber light; his face was with the marks of the Arabian Bird. His head was with the horns of a ram, tufts of feathers were in place of his ears, and there were wings on his back. Dragon- like wings, but with white feathers instead of skin.

  The man hovered down, and I could see a woman, radiating with bluish purple light. Her silver white hair swayed with the ever moving wind that surrounds her. On her shoulder was a cape of blackish grey feathers. The marks of the Sylph adorned her forehead. Her peculiar ears almost escaped my notice.  It was almost cat- like, but…a little different.

“Answer the little lady, boy.”

“I…I am Pawaka.” Hesitantly I answered.

“Well met, Pawaka,” said the woman. “I am Zephyr, messenger of the Sylph.”

“And I am Wyvern, messenger of the Arabian Bird. The Sibyl sent us to convey you a word of precaution. She sent her regards, too.”

Slowly, I nod in acknowledgement.

  “Know that the path that lies ahead is twisted with thorns and leads you to perdition. Being away does not much harm than staying put. Choose well, Pawaka, and your deeds will be rewarded, else your past wrongdoings will conquer you. Remember those words, young one. She meant well for you.” The messenger of Sylph patted my head.

“Take care, boy. Don’t kill yourself protecting other people!” Fire flashed from the ground.

“Wyvern! Don’t frighten him!”

The knight woke up with a jolt. The messengers. He remembered the dream he had. 

  Demi- mortals were cherished by the gods, even when they are scorned by men. Their origins were unknown, but there are only few of them. The demi-mortals cannot breed with each other, but they have a very long life span compared to humans, since at a stage of life, the process of aging for them stops. The process stops when they get their first message from the messengers. None knows how it works, yet. But it just does. It differs for each demi- mortal, and at the age of 24, the aging process for Pawaka stops now. It will cycle back after a period of time, that is, when they receive the second message. The messages aren’t exclusively for demi- mortals, but only a handful of humans ever experienced it. And unlike demi- mortals, it won’t be long for humans until their second message is conveyed. The messages served not only as warnings, it serves too, as a way to ensure the demi-mortals live a long, even if it is not joyful, life.

“Pawaka, you awake?” The door creaked open. The horse- maiden walked in.

“Oh, it’s only you.”

“Ah, hey! What do you mean by that?! You were expecting someone else, did you, now?”

“Apologies, Mega. It’s just that I…had a dream. No, no a message,” he corrected himself.

The horse maiden’s eyes brightened. “Oh, I had mine when I was 22! How was it like, Pawaka?”

He looked at her, slowly he said, “It was…dark. Black was all that I can see, well, at first. The messengers of the Arabian Bird and the Sylph gave me a…precaution. A warning.”

Long pause. “Eh…oh, come on, it can’t be that bad,” she giggled. “Come, get yourself a hot bath – and be quick about it, Samudera’s already waiting downstairs!”

  His eyes trailed the horse maiden’s footsteps until she disappeared outside the door. Samudera…Memories of last night came to his mind. The elven maiden must be heart-broken, he sighed. I need to let her go of me…as I am in need to let her go. Else my mission in Bentala Kencana will be in vain. Sigh. Let’s just…get ready, he coaxed himself. And so, the knight took a quick bath, dressed himself and quietly descended the stairs.  

“Samudera,” called Mega. The elven maiden smiled in acknowledgement. “Did you cry last night?”

“Uh, why do you ask?”

“Your eyes are red and watery…and you look tired and sad…and…”

“No. Mega, I just didn’t sleep well last night. A bit too excited for my own good, you see?” She flashed a smile.

Mega smiled back. She knew how Samudera loves her brother, and how long they had been separated. It is only natural for her to be euphoric on meeting each other again.

  The knight enters the kitchen with the feeling of heavy weight on his chest. He avoided meeting up the eyes of Samudera, while she on the other hand tried so hard to make eye contact with him. Mega thought that the knight was just feeling edgy for the fact that he will have to leave soon. She tried to brighten up the situation.

“Want to go out after this? We’ll go to the forest by the brook for a picnic!”

“Oh, yes, Mega, we’ll do that. How about you, Pawaka? Do you wish to join us?” asked the elven maiden.   

He looked at her, then at Mega, and then he nodded.

Soft light cascaded slowly from the sun above. The sound of running water fills the calm afternoon. Pawaka lies on the soft grassy grounds, closing his eyes and basking in the warm sunlight. He lets out a sigh and wonders if he is doing the right thing. He is leaving the Silver Skies, with uncertain hope of returning, and so he wanted Samudera to hate him and to forget him altogether, for he does not want her to wait and to be crestfallen if he can never be home again. The knight too wishes for his mind to not be distracted with thoughts of Samudera. He wishes to be fighting fit for this mission.

The knight opened his eyes. Clouds rolled in the calm, azure sky, forming ever changing shapes of all kinds. 

My life is such, he thought. Ever changing, sometimes calm but always in turbulence. Do I care much to change it? He put his palm forward and looked at it as sunshine penetrated the gaps between his fingers.

“Pawaka! Come and eat!”

   He looked at the elven maiden. Mega was someplace else nearby, catching butterflies. “I’ll be there in a moment.” The knight rolled over and got up. Slowly he sauntered by.

   As usual, food was laden. The knight however was not feeling hungry, even after the long journey to arrive there. But he saw something that changed his mind. An apple pie. The aroma of freshly baked apple wafted in the air. His eyes were automatically transfixed to it.

“Mother used to make these,” he said as he sat down.

  “Yes. I knew it’s your favourite. That’s why I baked it. It’s been such a long time since I’ve baked one, so I must apologise if it tastes bad.” She gave a slice to the knight. He accepts it and muttered a thank you.   

Slowly he took a bite.

“It still tastes the same.”

The elven maiden nodded with relief. “So nothing’s changed about it. Just like us.”

The knight gave a heavy sigh. Samudera’s pushing it. Well, she deserves to know. But...but. He sighed again. 

Then again, it may be for the best.

“Everything’s going to change, Samudera. We won’t be the same.”

Samudera looked at the knight. What exactly does he mean?

   “I’m going away, Samudera.” He puts his plate down. “We might not see each other again. That’s why we can’t be the same. I can’t go on like this. And I don’t want you to suffer silently as you wait for me to come back.”

“No, Pawaka.” He looked at her.

“No.” She said again. “I do not ‘suffer’ when I wait for you. And I know I am going to lose you someday. But not in this way. Not from you.”

“Samudera...It’s not that…”

   The words were muffled when the elven maiden’s lips sealed his. He feels her passion burning through his veins. Her soft lips were as sweet as honey. The knight was at the verge of indulging it as she presses on. However, his hands involuntarily pushed her back and he pinned her on the ground.

“Samudera...” he gasped. “This…are you even listening to me?”

“I am. I know you love me, Pawaka! I know that you wish to protect me. But this is not the way. I do not want to hate you, I can never hate you. And I can never forget you either.”

“Samudera…this is the most logical thing to do. You’ll find someone else better…than me.”

“You and your logics! Is it so hard for you to understand that my love is only for you, and never for another?! NEVER!” Tears began to flow slowly down her cheeks.

He had never seen her so riled up. She usually would be very delicate, very…soft.  She just cried when he first brought this subject, but now… what happened to her?

The knight releases her and ponders on his next move. Why is it so hard to convince her?

The elven maiden is taking her own stand in this matter.  And she knows her will is powerful enough to shift his. She had done it once, thus she is able to do the same once more. Pawaka will change his mind and she will make sure he does.  She just need to do something to convince him. To push him gently to the right way. Her way.

  “Pawaka! Samudera! Look what I found!”  An excited Mega came to their way, a butterfly fluttered helplessly in her palm, its wings in tatters.

  “You did that to this butterfly?” asked Pawaka. A sense of grief fills his heart to the brim. The butterfly can never be airborne again, never to feel the winds of Sylph under its wings. It might as well just curl up and…die.

   Mega shook her head. “Of course not! I found her on the ground. I put her on a flower, but she fell. So, I thought it’ll be better if I bring her to you. Maybe you can help her to fly again!”

“Yes, maybe Pawaka can do that. You can use your bard magic to draw back the butterfly’s wings, right?”

   He shook his head slowly. “I can. But I will not do so. My magic will not last long. When the ink dries, the magic is gone. The butterfly will suffer again from a second fall. I’m sorry, Mega. There is nothing that I can do for her.”

 “How can you say so?! You didn’t even try, Pawaka! Who knows if your magic stays with her, that she can fly even if your ink dries out?!”

 “That would defy logic…” he paused. “But I will try, for your sake and for this butterfly’s, I will try.” He changed his sword into a brush. Hesitantly he lifts it and draws wings on the butterfly. Somehow the ink that flows out looks different, Pawaka thought. It shone brilliantly under the sunlight as the butterfly fluttered by with wings black of ink.

  He waits, expecting the butterfly to fall at any moment, for the ink to dry out and turn into dust. But it flew on and on, without any signs of halting. The horse maiden was cheering on, and clapping her hands with delight. 

She said, “ I told you so!” and went after the butterfly.

 A smile etched across the elven maiden’s face. “It seems that your logic has been defied, Pawaka.”

“It seems so, but I do not mind. It is for the better,” the knight answered. His eyes were still trailing the fluttering insect. How did this happen?  He wonders on.